I do not feel harassed by these pictures. I feel bored.
So I’ll say it again. All dicks are ugly. This is why we measure the penis’s value in terms of size and not symmetry. This is why drawings of dicks are inherently funny in a way drawings of vulvas are not. There could never be a male Georgia O’Keeffe. Vulvas promote critical thinking. Penises are the punchline of nature.
Of course, the male form has several redeeming qualities. Nude sculptures of ancient Greek studs are no less comely for the fig leaves that conceal their classical little peckers. And let’s not forget that good casual sex—and the prelude to it—entails something beyond physical appeal. If the body is more than the dick, so then is the fuck more than the body. I’m talking about turning me on before we’ve even taken our clothes off—tease me wickedly, be coy, make me laugh.
I’m looking at you, men on my Grindr grid in close proximity. I think you’re pretty cute, but this hyperfocused reliance on the dick just isn’t enough. What else can you do? Tell me. I want us all to have really good sex with one another. But you need to do better. You have to learn how to fuck with everything you’ve got. And once you do, don’t hesitate to, you know, hit me up. My DMs are always open.
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