What do I do if my girlfriend and I do not share financial goals? I own investment properties, $200k in a 401(k) and $250k in personal investments. She just started saving for retirement and has very little savings beyond that.
I’m on FIRE! I am a 34-year-old from Connecticut and have been dating my girlfriend, whom I love, for two years. I am considering getting married, but I have financial concerns.
My girlfriend, who is 32, does not share the same financial goals. She is not bad with money , but despite being a successful and hard-working woman, she is not a saver. She just started contributing to a retirement account last year and has very little savings and no investments. I also assumed my future wife would participate in the saving phase, not just the spending phase. I respond by telling her that if she plans on retiring early as well, then she should start saving toward that goal. If she does not want to retire early , then she should plan on just continuing to work. My biggest concern is if she does not contribute to the saving phase, she will not have any appreciation for the early retirement and, ultimately, spend us back into employment.
When I was an advice columnist on Irish radio many years ago, I used to receive letters from people in relationships who put up with all manner of malfeasance and skullduggery — financial misdeeds, infidelity, physical and emotional abuse — and they would sometimes end their letter, “... but we are in love, so please don’t ask me to break up with him/her.” I also take heart from your description of your girlfriend as “successful and hardworking.” There is hope.
Go through the hard, cold facts together. That should act as a wake-up call to your girlfriend. You might even want to go through your accounts with a big red pen and subtract $37,000 here for a car and there for a clothes budget or high-flying social life that you have had to forgo in order to help you reach your goal by 40. It may bring home the stark reality that you are making sacrifices.
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