'Is it feminist? Is it not feminist? Is it a neutral thing we all project our own stuff onto?'
I am not a morning person in general, but if there’s one part of my daily get-up-and-out-the-door dance that I particularly begrudge, it’s the time spent putting on makeup. It’s not that my makeup routine is very lengthy—15 minutes, tops—or complicated, but still, it vexes me. I hate losing those precious minutes, and I hate that the main reason I bother to do it on a daily basis is because of poor self-esteem.
I like makeup well enough when I’m using it to prepare for a night out or a special event. Then, it feels like a private luxury; putting in the effort to draw my eyeliner on just so and apply fake lashes to maximum effect is a little ritual, like a spell I’m casting on the evening ahead. Even on an ordinary day, wearing a bright lip is a good way to turn my mood around. It’s the feeling that I need to apply it whenever I go out in public that bothers me.
Many of the women I know have an ambivalent relationship with makeup. Is it feminist? Is it not feminist? Is it a neutral thing we all project our own stuff onto? I suspect that the answer is both personal and cultural, one that fluctuates depending on the time, place and mores—all of which might be a convenient way of dodging the question altogether.
My acne has since mostly cleared up, but I’ve continued to find reasons to wear makeup ever since. I wore it when I worked in customer service because I was told it looked more professional. I wore it when I had my C-section because I wanted to look good in those first pictures with my baby. I wore it when I was a stay-at-home mom because I bought into that tired old narrative of women who “let themselves go” after they have kids.
Now I aspire to be one of those people who have reclaimed makeup for themselves, who find it empowering instead of a tool for conformity. I know that others are able to lean into its artistry, or use it as a way of subverting rigid beauty standards, but I’m not sure how to get there. Maybe I still want too much from it; I want that cherished Hollywood trope, the makeover, a whole new me in every sense.
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