Our intentions are good (we don’t want to say too much or too little), but the result is frequently superficial if not outright alienating. Especially now, we could all afford to know more about how to be gracious and supportive during a friend’s divorce
Photo: Andesign101/Getty Images/iStockphoto One of the reasons I haven’t wanted to talk to anyone but my closest friends about my divorce is because I don’t want to hear what most people have to say. Very few people are adept at responding to unhappy personal news with on-the-spot candor and grace; most people know well enough to furrow their brow and say, “I’m sorry,” before becoming uncomfortable immediately thereafter.
“Coming from a place of curiosity is better than assuming it’s a tragedy and that they deserve buckets and buckets of pity,” adds Pettus. Here, as in most cases, it’s best to be proactive rather than passive; saying “let’s hang out” is nice but less likely to result in actual plans than a specific invitation in the short-term future. It doesn’t need to be anything major, and sometimes the thing that allows your divorcing friend to stay in sweatpants is better: Offer to come over for takeout or ask them to join you for a weekend errand. The activity is less important than your friendly presence and support.
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