If you feel like you can never do enough as a caretaker to ease your loved one's suffering, it may say more about the situation you're in than it does any failure on your part. A psychologist's tips for relieving yourself of that guilt:
Caring for a loved one can be emotionally draining. Whether you’re caring for an aging parent, ill spouse, or a special needs child, you are likely to feel a mix of emotions – love, sadness, frustration, guilt, and maybe even anger. Gaining clarity about these feelings can help you ease your inner conflict and find greater peace.Helplessness or hopelessness:
There may be very real limits to how much you can do. This can leave you feeling helpless, or even hopeless, in your efforts to care for your loved one. As a result, you might rail against the situation, getting angry with yourself or your loved one. By talking with a trusted person about this, you might allow for your feelings of powerlessness, rather than diverting them into anger. As a result, you might gain some perspective, which can be grounding.
If you struggle with this, consider how you would react to a friend going through a similar situation. You would likely recognize that there are limits to what your friend could do. Just as they would not be able to fully eliminate their loved one’s pain, neither can you. And just as they would need a break at times to care for themselves, you also have this need. Not being able to “do enough” is a statement that reveals more about the situation than it does any inadequacy on your part.
If you can relate to this situation, pause to assess your specific circumstance. If you have only hinted at the need for help, taking a more direct approach might produce the help you want. But if whatever you try doesn’t work, then it’s essential to your mental health to “accept” the reality. As you resolve to move forward, you might consider engaging the help of different people in your social circle, or reaching out for professional help, such as aides or other support services.
If you face any of these situations, keep in mind that many people in your situation would feel similarly. But with the above advice, you can approach yourself and your loved one with compassion, enabling you to ease the emotional complications that so often come with caring for a loved one.
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