How a vile, disgusting, and absolutely adolescent prank almost ruined ketchup for me.
is a series examining our food resistances and what happens when we try them anyway. Next up, writer Sharrona Pearl rediscovers the simple pleasures of ketchup.
The week before, while we were away on an overnight camping trip, the boys had gone on an infamous panty raid, stealing our underwear and stringing it up on their outdoor laundry line for everyone to see. Now they were away oncamping trip. We had to retaliate and we wanted to show them, in as direct a way as possible, exactly why 13-year-old girls need their underwear.
My ketchup-free life didn’t feel like any kind of sacrifice. I became a vegetarian at 13 , and so my only grilling options were precooked tofu dogs or hard, flat, greige-colored rounds masqueraded as “veggie burgers.” Not even ketchup was going to bring them back from bland oblivion. And the rest of my veg-heavy meals rarely needed the condiment. I dipped my fries in mayonnaise. I enjoyed tomato sauce atop spaghetti. Mustard was my grilled cheeses’ BFF.
So one day I gave a tentative squeeze. I spread, sparingly but substantially. And then I tasted. It was a revelation. That first bite of burger was almost crunchy, with a seared exterior that soon melted into a juicy, tangy, and shockingly meaty inside. Each chomp delivered with it a hit of ketchup. My mouth watered. Then my eyes watered. Probably my kids were wondering if Imma was finally losing it. In a way I was.
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