DearPrudie: Should I say something?
Call the voicemail of the Dear Prudence podcast at 401-371-DEAR to hear your question answered on a future episode of the show.My daughter-in-law claims to suffer from something called “anxiety disorder,” which apparently causes her to feel uncomfortable speaking her mind for fear of being misunderstood, looking foolish, or hurting others’ feelings. Although this makes no sense to me, I try to be understanding.
“I’m really excited that you got accepted by your first choice. But I’m reconsidering the prospect of quitting my job right now and trying to move to another city and looking for another job once I get there. I love you and I want to make things work, but what I want to do is stay here for a few months and join you later.”
I was really looking forward to this summer, especially under the circumstances, because of the area’s beauty and our garden and the beaches close by! My sister is staying in an apartment in the city that has an extra bedroom and really wants me to come live with her. I’m torn because I was so excited for this summer and do feel maybe I could work to fix things with my mom if I stayed, because I do really want us to have a positive relationship.
If you’re able to get in touch with her, you might say something like this: “Years ago I said something racist to you and hurt you. I owe you a profound apology, and if you’re ever available, I would like to offer it to you. If you would rather not hear from me, I won’t try to get in touch with you again and will leave it at that.” I don’t know if she would consider an apology to be primarily for your benefit or if it would mean something to her—only she knows that.
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