ATLANTA—Describing it as the perfect styling tool for beastly little things, the Goody hair accessories company announced Thursday a new line of hairbrushes designed specifically for governesses to rake harshly across the scalps of insolent little girls in their charge. “The new reinforced handles can withstand being drawn roughly through the knotted hair of a horrid, filthy creature hundreds of times, and the extra-coarse bristles will quickly dislodge any grass or other debris that has become entangled due to unladylike frolicking in the meadow beyond the wall,” said spokesperson Sally Waterson, adding that the sturdier brushes were ideal for roughly straightening unkempt hair while asking impertinent little girls why they couldn’t be more like Abigail. “And when you’re done, each brush comes with a set of special high-tensile hair ties that can be used to hold a painfully tight bun.” Waterson added that the brushes were also perfect for gesturing menacingly at contemptuous children while reminding them that the Master returns in June and will be teaching them a lesson they shan’t soon forget.
South Africa Latest News, South Africa Headlines
Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.
Galentine's Day Gifts for Your BFF: Best Feminists ForeverGive your girls the gift of feminist history with this collection of Galentine's Day goodies.
Read more »
Coronavirus not a global health crisis, WHO says; China restricts movement of 20M people in 3 citiesThe WHO on Thursday declined to categorize the deadly new coronavirus sweeping across China as a global health emergency, saying there is no evidence of human-to-human infection outside China.
Read more »
Yup, Hair-Growth Shampoo Is Actually Legit—Here's What You Gotta KnowThis way to healthy hair and a healthy scalp.
Read more »
Audrey Roloff Is Melting Hearts Everywhere With New Pics of Baby BodeThe former 'Little People, Big World' star's new photos of baby Bode are everything.
Read more »
23 'Old' TV Shows That So Good, You'll Want To Binge Watch Them Right NowThey might be oldies, but they're definitely goodies.
Read more »