I know there’s not some objective scale of attractiveness, but if you chose to invent one, then I’d be a 7 and he’d be a 5.7. This distinction means that if we went out together, I wouldn’t feel like I had to change myself to accommodate him like I do with other men.
There’s a guy I know who I find a bit gross, which is partly why I actually like him so much. His room smells like old sports gear. He definitely cuts that mullet himself. All his clothes are bad, although to his credit, they’re bad on purpose, because otherwise, really,would he be wearing those wraparound sunglasses my driving instructor Barry used to have, or the same wide-leg jeans my dad wore in the ’90s. His eyes look like they have an infection of some kind.
At the time I wasn’t into it; I looked over to my friend Hannah with wide eyes so she’d come and join in the conversation before I had to say “sorry, I’m seeing someone and it just got serious” or one of my other tried and tested non-offensive rejections. But when I woke up the next morning, aside fromI’ve always had a thing for you
“THE DRIBBLER?” screamed my friend when I told her a couple of days later that I wanted to get with him. We call him that because there’s always so much spit in his mouth when he’s talking.“Are you upset about that teacher guy again? Is that why this has come up?” He comes over to mine and I make dinner and it’s exactly how I imagined it. I tell him something I don’t tell most people about my family. When he asks me what I’m doing over the weekend, I give him the honest answer, which is lying on the sofa. I tell him my favorite porn genre. It’s lovely, or it is until he says something along the lines of: “Women are less funny than men, though.
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