'Resentments, no matter how gnarly, can shine a light on your and your partner’s unmet needs if you make the effort to understand what lies beneath them,' explains kara_hoppe
Digging out of a resentment rut requires each partner to be able to identify and address their needs.
I had a client recently who was desperately resentful of her partner. She resented the mental load—all the invisible work—of, which fell heavily on her. He was equally upset with her, expressing resentment that she was hypercritical of his ability to parent. They both felt walled off from each other, with both suffering alone and unable to function as an effective parenting team. In
Digging out of a resentment rut—or avoiding falling into one in the first place—requires each partner to be able to identify their needs. In this case, instead of digging a deeper rut, you’re digging to uncover the gold that’s hidden by your resentment.To dig out of a resentment rut, I recommend first doing some individual exploration. You can start by journaling to identify your basic needs. Do you need more rest? More play? More hugs? Anything else? See if any surprises come up.
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