Life is so much easier now.
How do I decide when to divorce someone who’s not the man I married? I’m the mom of two kids under 5, and have been low-key unhappy in my marriage basically since the older one’s birth. No amount of arguing, chore charts, or leaving tasks undone could convince my husband to be a parenting partner, although he loves to showboat about being a great dad. He’s a workaholic who’s uninterested in our kids, me, and his friends—unless those relationships can get him something.
About six months ago, he received an offer for a huge promotion that would require him to train and work from another state for his first year. He accepted it without even telling me, and announced it as a done deal. We had a massive argument, and he accused me of not supporting his dreams and promptly rented an apartment near his new job. We talk weekly, and he seems convinced that he’s going to come back home at the end of the year and everything will be as it was.
Part of me thinks that if we can come to a reasonable financial settlement that a divorce could be a great thing. Once they’re both in school, I could support the kids alone if I had to. We’re basically already separated, and it’s not like the kids are missing out on some great relationship in their lives. On the other hand, divorcing just because I’m unhappy would be wrong and destabilizing, and everyone says gritting your teeth until the kids are 18 is usually better.
Of course, there’s the chance he won’t change. At that point, you need to ask yourself: If you’re dealing with an inconsiderate man who isn’t all that involved with your kids, and shows little respect for you, then what are you and your kids truly missing out on by having him around? Make your feelings known to your husband, go through the proper channels of seeking outside help, and if you determine he’s not the one for you, then leave. Whatever you do, please do not stick around in an emotional prison for the sake of the kids, because nobody wins in that scenario. Life is too short to be unhappy.I’m in my late 20s. Friends and acquaintances of mine have recently started to have kids.
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