Dear Abby advises a woman who has an issue with her boyfriend’s kids and a wife who wants to pursue her own interests.
I have been dating a wonderful man for two years. He has two grown children, 27 and 21. Both have good jobs and work full-time. I have a son who is 12. The issue is family vacations, and paying for things while on vacation.
I feel that since his children are adults, they should help pay for meals, lodging and activities. I’m not saying pay for the entire bill, but throw in $20 for a meal or even offer to pay for something. Don’t just expect him or me to pay because it’s a family vacation. My 12-year-old paid for his meals on his own because he thinks it’s cool — it made him feel responsible and like an adult. We took a vacation with his 21-year-old, and not once did she offer to pay, or even say thank you.
I can’t seem to get across to my husband that although I like his family, I don’t want to see them to the exclusion of my hobbies and our collective interests. He and his parents expect me at all of these events. I go, and when I do, I have a good time, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want time to myself.
Unfortunately, my husband isn’t interested in my hobby. There are other activities we do together, although we don’t have a lot of time for them given his family events. How do I get across to him that he should be supportive? —What you should get across to your husband is that you would have more time to be together if you saw his family less often than four times a month. If that’s not acceptable to him, he can sometimes go without you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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