Dear Abby gives advice to a 40-year-old who is coping with the trauma caused by their dad and a parent who is worried about her daughter’s fiancé.
The problem is, Jonas has a habit of making off-the-cuff comments about her to my husband and me behind her back, suggesting, for example, that he felt a bit pressured about the timetable for proposing.
More recently, I thanked him for offering my daughter and me the use of his beloved vehicle to go wedding dress shopping. Instead of saying, “You’re welcome,” he muttered, “She’s going to wreck the car one day. The sooner she does it, the sooner I get a new one.” He says it like it’s a dry joke which he likely sees this way, but I find his comments hurtful.
I haven’t said anything to my daughter about this, and don’t want to “run him down” to family or friends by asking for suggestions in handling this. Should , or should I tell Jonas privately how his comments hurt us? I don’t want to make more of this than it is, but it makes my heart ache a bit.Jonas’ “joke” that he felt pressured to become engaged to your daughter wasn’t funny, and I can understand why you might be concerned. While I don’t think you should solicit advice about this from friends and family, Ithis with your daughter because it could be a red flag. Ditto with any other possibly pejorative comments he makes to you about her.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at
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