'I think discomfort in and of itself is not always a surefire sign that something immoral is afoot.'
I’m a young gay in his mid-20s, and I was wondering: What is it with the kink some gay guys have for daddies?
Personally, I like to think of a potential boyfriend as being someone around my age who, romantic feelings aside, is like my best friend or brother, not my father. Furthermore, I’d like to think we’re equals and that I’m not an authority figure to him or vice versa. I’m also unsure how, as someone who is reading erotic stories in their spare time, “daddies” is the subject that compelled you to write a letter to your local advice columnist. I have read things in the realm of smut that would make the common “daddy fetish” story look like Goodnight Moon. Come back to me when you reach the cold hard bottom of the slash fic iceberg.
I’m certainly in no place to dictate what makes you uncomfortable. I can see how you might look at, say, a large age gap between two adults in a sexual dynamic and think, Weird! I’ve had thoughts like that as well. But I think discomfort in and of itself is not always a surefire sign that something immoral is afoot. Discomfort can be caused by any number of factors — personal experiences, biases, preferences, and so on.
Sadly, it’s all too common to see people exploit power dynamics — experience, money, fame, access, etc. — for personal gain. But this isn’t exclusive to age. All three times that I’ve been violated by men, the men have been around my age. Abuse can happen in any dynamic, and while I, too, find comfort in the notion that abuse can be easily sniffed out ahead of time, that there will reliably be telltale red flags, that’s just not how things typically work.
I hope I’m not coming across as harsh, Confused! I think, or at least hope, that you’re coming from a place of genuine concern for others and, to be sure, I’d never want to outright dismiss anyone on a subject as serious and prevalent as abuse.
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