In newyorkerhumor, LynnIHsu offers up some corporate alternatives to the “compliment sandwich.”
A recent survey of our employees indicated that people are sick of the “compliment sandwich”—negative feedback sandwiched between compliments. The executive team is pleased to offer some alternatives that we hope will be effective for managers serving up constructive criticism in the workplace.
These meatballs fra diavolo are extremely tough. Treat your employees like part of the “family,” with an emphasis on loyalty. Deliver the message that long hours are the norm in this culture, in which the Boss gives you orders that you can’t refuse. Workers are expected to sign N.D.A. agreements in blood. Those who are disloyal are sent to Vinny in H.R. and never seen again.
Feedback is vague, and job requirements and advancement opportunities constantly shift, in this spiralling cruller. Best given to employees who want to feel as if they’re climbing the stairs to a higher level that is, in fact, impossible to reach. The sweet illusion of promotion will have them circling back, unsatisfied, still hungry for another serving.
These transparent jello pies are perfect for employees who need everything spelled out for them. Staff activities are tracked and ranked for healthy competition. Workers love feedback based on quantitative metrics. Managers use a fair-pay formula:
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