'Women do leave — again and again and again. And they come back because it is safer for them to stay than to go,'' writes Pamela Cross, the legal director of Luke’s Place in Oshawa, Ont. 'There is something very wrong with that.'
In a 2018 survey, according to the government of Canada, 44 per cent of women who had ever been in an intimate partner relationship — about 6.2 million women aged 15 and over — reported experiencing some kind of psychological, physical, or sexual abuse in the context of an intimate relationship in their lifetime . — Unsplash photoPamela Cross is the legal director of Luke’s Place in Oshawa, Ont.
First and foremost, intimate partner violence does not end just because the relationship ends. In fact, as various domestic violence death review committees have reported — repeatedly — actual or pending separation is the most dangerous time for a woman who decides to flee an abusive partner.
The abuse moves out of the family home and into the woman’s workplace, the children’s school or daycare centre and community places where the abuser knows he can find her. “I wish I had never left. At least when I was with him, I knew his patterns and could take steps to protect myself and my kids from the worst of it. Now, I never know what he’s going to do, or when or where it’s going to happen. I lost my job because he caused so much trouble there. He showed up at my dad’s 75th birthday party and assaulted my brother when he told him to leave. He screams at me in front of the kids.
The lack of safe, appropriate and affordable housing across Canada, especially in rural and remote communities, makes it very hard for a woman — especially if she has children — to leave her partner. Lack of adequate social assistance creates financial barriers for a woman who wants to maintain a decent standard of living for her children.
Even if a woman is able to get a restraining or protection order, having it enforced can be very challenging, especially if she lives in an isolated area where police response times are slow.
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