'Being tested frequently to the nth degree, parents like us have learned to heighten intuition, foresight, reflective tools and flexibility of direction as we interact with our kids to make their lives (and ours) better.'
Recently, our daughter, who has been stable for well over a year, had a rage. It was a full-blown, door slamming, wall-kicking, filled-with-“I hate you’s” and “you’re the worst parent ever” rage.
In cases like this, the words rarely hurt. They roll off of me like water off the back of a duck. It’s easy, in these situations, to separate the ugly behavior from my normally loving and compassionate kids. It’s the illness talking, not my child. But there are other times when hurtful words cut to the quick.
Heightened parenting requires that we all move fluidly in response to a spectrum of contradictory challenges that come zooming at us. We’re philosophical and action-oriented, demonstrative and zen. We “artisan parents” are the Martha Grahams of parenting: good with odd angles, spontaneous, fast on our feet, deliberate, and able to swoop and duck at just the right moments. It’s all really in the timing.
As for keeping the love and support going? Even through exhaustion and hurt, that’s what we heightened parents do. Hate the illness, love the child. [Repeat.] Right? It took me years to learn that this was the illness talking and not my sweet and loving son. Although I would love to tell you that I am a perfect parent, this I am not. I wish I could say that I have learned to ignore the verbal abuse, but I haven’t. I’ve lost my temper many times, and each time it only resulted in complicating the situation.
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