Perspective: At 10, I wrote a suicide note. Today, I have an urgent message for that troubled little girl — and others like her.
By Robin Raven May 25 at 9:00 AM At 10, I sat down in my teddy bear chair that was getting a little too small for me, and I wondered what I had done to make my daddy hate me. I thought he must hate me because he threatened my life. Just the night before, I’d heard him say he might turn on the gas to our house, and he said it would be better if we all were to die. But I didn’t want to die! Not then, anyway.
I thought I could tie all my hair ribbons together and make a noose, but I didn’t go through with it. I’m so glad I didn’t because there are so many things that I’d like to tell my younger self now about being depressed, hating oneself and eventually, surprisingly discovering life on the other side. And then fortuitously a new and true friend stepped in, getting me to open up about my pain and the gently encouraging me to consider therapy. After reading “Someone To Talk To” by Joyce Houser, a book about what really goes on in therapy, I decided to try it.
Yeah, you may feel hopeless now, but it’s temporary; there are so many other feelings within you that will replace the ones that feel so unbearable now. The pain — like the dizziness — isn’t forever. It’s in the trying that you will finally learn to be all right and put these suicidal feelings behind you. You might not feel like you have anything to give, but you do. There are persons of all species who need you just the way you are.
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