Dear Amy: I keep wondering why she doesn’t just cut us off, but a therapist says this is how she is choosing to communicate.
Thank you for supporting our journalism. This article is available exclusively for our subscribers, who help fund our work at the Chicago Tribune.Last summer, my sister’s husband died by suicide.At her request, my parents and I helped with huge tasks through the blurry first weeks. Then, gradually, she reduced contact with us.Then last week my sister mailed my parents a letter, saying that they could only use postal mail to contact her.
I feel like my sister is trying to control us, but maybe I am wrong and just don’t like that someone is dictating the boundaries and how the boundaries are respected, and then changes them when she wants to.I keep wondering why she doesn’t just cut us off, but a therapist says this is how she is choosing to communicate.Dear Bewildered: I agree that erecting and enforcing boundaries is a form of control.
Be supportive, gentle, and reassuring with your parents. Send your sister some newsy notes and postcards. Don’t pressure her, but do your best to keep the door open – even if you don’t like the current parameters. I hope for her sake that she chooses to walk through and reconnect with all of you.
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