Dear Amy: My son has a long history of incarcerations and has two felonies for theft and drug offenses. Whenever he stops over to get his mail, my mother becomes really nervous, anxious, and fearful. She won’t hug him, make eye contact or converse.
I like to see him occasionally and am not afraid of him stealing. He is not dangerous.Dear Mom: Your son may have paid his debt to society, but his reconciliation should happen at home.Has he sincerely acknowledged and apologized for his actions? Asked for forgiveness? Recognized how he violated his grandparents’ trust? Attempted to repay them?He might do this in a letter, carefully written and sent to your folks.
Be gentle with your mother. Ask her to describe her feelings about this, and patiently reassure her. Ask her, “What could he do to make you feel more comfortable?”Dear Amy: My mom had a series of devastating strokes 17 years ago. Since then, she has been in and out of nursing homes and hospitals. My dad has severe arthritis in his knees and is awaiting surgery.My brother and his wife are heavy drinkers. I try to avoid their obnoxious drunken shenanigans.
When I contacted him about mom’s new nursing home and gave an update on our dad, my brother said he doesn’t care anymore and abruptly ended the conversation. Not once has our brother offered to help. He also deleted all of us on his social media. His wife posts passive-aggressive comments.
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