'I had insomnia and nightmares, barely ate or drank for days,' the poet shared in a new essay.
" at President Joe Biden's inauguration in 2021, she became the youngest inaugural poet ever at just 22 years old. But that history-making moment almost didn't happen.Gorman nearly declined the honor after loved ones repeatedly expressed their safety concerns for her, given the political climate. The inauguration was held just two weeks after rioters and"I was scared of failing my people, my poetry. But I was also terrified on a physical level," Gorman wrote.
She added that she was told by friends to buy a bulletproof vest and that she and her mom practiced defensive measures, writing, "My mom had us crouch in our living room so that she could practice shielding my body from bullets. A loved one warned me to 'be ready to die' if I went to the Capitol building, telling me, 'It's just not worth it.' I had insomnia and nightmares, barely ate or drank for days.
"I closed my eyes in bed and let myself utter all the leviathans that scared me, both monstrous and minuscule. What stood out most of all was the worry that I'd spend the rest of my life wondering what this poem could have achieved. There was only one way to find out," she wrote. "By the time the sun rose I knew one thing for sure: I was going to be the 2021 inaugural poet. I can't say I was completely confident in my choice, but I was completely committed to it.
The day of her performance, she recalled her fears melting away as she recited her poem. "As I stepped up to the dais to recite, I felt warm, like the words waiting in my mouth were aflame," she wrote. "It seemed that the world stood still. I looked out and spoke to it. I haven't looked back."