'After years of dating men who didn't value me, I've got a new approach to relationships — and life.'
I was 21 when I left my home in suburban New Jersey and moved to New York. I imagined my life in the city as the fairy tale sold to me by romantic movies — an endless parade of handsome princes who’d compete for my favor, pulling up beside me in long, black town cars to whisk me off to some pre-war palace.
At 38, I left New York. I was tired of wearing heels, blowing out my hair and running through a revolving door of relationships in which I gave more than I got and accepted less than I wanted. Over the holidays, we flew back east to meet each other’s families. In New Jersey, we slept on twin cots in my grandparents’ tiny home and ate Thanksgiving dinner around a small table with 15 of my relatives crammed next to each other. Jim was a hit, working on handyman projects around the house and charming everyone in his Brawny Man, gentlemanly way.
Instead, I felt anxious. When I moved across the country from New York, it was the first time I’d ever had a space of my own. I loved my small one-bedroom apartment and in order to move forward, I needed a commitment towards our future.Saying the words surprised even me. Being a bride had never been high on my “to do’’ list, but I was 40 now, and I didn’t want to be a live-in girlfriend. If we were going to share a home, I wanted to be a wife.
We were finishing dinner one night and about to leave the restaurant when Jim cleared his throat. “By the way,” he said, “I met with my lawyer to discuss the prenup.” He averted his eyes from mine. “You know, even if you sign one, you’d still get a lot of money if we ever divorce. Apparently there are laws that entitle you to continue life in a way you’ve grown accustomed to.”“It just made everything real,” he said. “No one ever plans on getting divorced.
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