The secrecy that shrouded Princess Kate's cancer diagnosis is something that any new cancer patient can understand. It's daunting to decide when to share, whom to tell and how much to say.
When my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer, she told ... well, not everyone but pretty close to it.
Still, while some may find it cathartic to share, it can also be exhausting and feel like an added pressure on top of an already bewildering time. You can always decline to answer prying or unhelpful questions. Try saying,"I just need a break," Schnipper suggests.Marsha decided to keep the diagnosis from our kids, then ages 12 and 15, for a couple of days. Her fateful mammogram was the Friday before Labor Day. School was starting the coming Tuesday, and she and I both thought it would not be good for them to be stressed out about mom's cancer on top of new school year jitters.
Even little kids"are keen observers," says James."They might not know exactly what's going on but they see things. To include them in what's happening to the family unit is the best thing to do.", a social worker at the Lombardi Comprehensive Cancer Center at Medstar Georgetown University Hospital."Generally speaking it's better to be honest even with children or they will feel deceived.
Family revelations are complicated if talking about cancer is a taboo in your culture. That may mean parents or siblings may not be comfortable offering a listening ear. The solution is to search for other avenues – perhaps a support group, says James.If you have a job, you may fear that sharing the news of a diagnosis with workplace associates will bring on stigma. People indeed may think, oh you can't do the work you are expected to do, says Ellentuck.
My wife, who teaches high school, decided to tell her students. She wanted them to know that cancer happens, that people get through it, that she would be missing some days due to her chemo treatments but that she was going to keep on teaching. Although since they were teenagers, she decided not to mention that the cancer was in her ... breast.The therapists I interviewed all counsel"truth telling" but they also recognize that it is up to the patient.
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