Advice | Carolyn Hax: A letter writer faces pressure from family to allow sibling’s toddler to attend their child-free wedding.
I am now getting married. My mother has not assisted with anything and only complains about wedding choices made. My parents have also only provided a third of what they gave my sibling. So my fiancé and I are paying for 90 percent of the wedding. My sibling is not attending my wedding due to it being child-free. I arranged for babysitters for anyone attending.
And you don't “need to” listen to your mother's complaints about your wedding. You can counter with a measured, “I'm sorry to hear that,” and change the subject, end the conversation, leave the room, make a Bugs Bunny-style hole in the drywall as you run screaming from the room. How you respond to this display is entirely your choice; you don't “need to” do anything. You can finesse it, fight it, cave, elope, stand firm, return the cash, evolve calmly in your own direction.What I strongly recommend you do regardless, though, is think carefully about who you are, what your values are, what you and your fiancé believe in, how important it feels to stand up for these things, and how intense a crapstorm you're willing to weather to do that.
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