Finding the words isn’t easy. These tips might help.
“Because of the taboo and stigma attached historically to [suicide], too many people think that they should not bring it up at all,” grief counselor and educator Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D., founder-director of theThis can give your friend the devastating and isolating sense that they’ve been abandoned at a time when they most need support.
“People who lost someone to suicide are often looking for cues from the people around them,” Jordan explains. Instead of assuming your friend knows they can talk to you, make that explicitly clear. Communicate that suicide is not a taboo subject for you, and give your friend permission to express their feelings without fear of criticism, Wolfelt says., 29, lost her younger brother to suicide seven years ago.
In addition to providing practical support, you’re showing how much you care about your friend at a time when it’s hard to come up with comforting things to say. “Sometimes, when words are inadequate, actions can be a symbol of nurturing and love,” Wolfelt says. If you can’t get a sense of whether or not your friend would appreciate hearing a memory, you can always ask first, McGann says. Say something like, "I was thinking about a memory of [their loved one’s name]. Can I share it with you?"It’s not unusual for a survivor of suicide loss to be flooded with concern and support right after the death, then to watch everyone go back to business as usual a week or two later, Jordan says.
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