Are you and your partner gridlocked in conflict? Follow these six steps to optimize connection.
When couples can’t manage conflict, they can get stuck in relationship gridlock., preferences, or core needs. This also means that the underlying issues couples argue about have likely created conflict for years.
It may come as a surprise that the goal of most relational conflict is not about finding a solution. This is because these types of issues are not resolvable. Instead, the “solution” is figuring out how to engage in constructive dialogue. Without being able to manage these conflicts, couples run the risk of entering relationship gridlock. When this happens, partners feel polarized, disconnected, and unable to hear one another.
“I feel unimportant when you don’t respond to my text messages, and I’m the one initiating communication. The way I feel loved is when you show me you’re thinking of me when we’re not togetherIf your partner is talking, instead of problem-solving, reflect back the feelings and needs you hear. In doing this, you are providing your partner validation by recognizing their experience.
y.” If you are the person requesting the break, you must then also offer a time to return to the conversation as a demonstration of dedication instead of withdrawal. During the time-out, partners should prioritize self-soothing andIf the conversation still doesn’t go as planned, partners should engage in repair. Repairs are verbal or non-verbal attempts to diffuse negativity. Get to know your partner to understand what works best at repairing relationship ruptures.
is a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified in perinatal mental health through Postpartum Support International. She maintains a private practice, Rachel Diamond, PLLC, in Chicago.As the lines between real and fake blur, Americans increasingly chase the idea of authenticity. The first step may be to consider self-knowledge, truthfulness, and other building blocks on the road to personal growth.
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