Compliments give us feedback we crave about how others view us. Experts share some of their favorites.
n a recent weekday afternoon, Xuan Zhao popped into the post office shortly before it closed. The man helping her was incredibly patient and went out of his way to assist her with a pile of packages. So before she left, she handed him a compliment card she had designed. “Your willingness to go the extra mile never goes unnoticed,” it said on the front.
Why is a compliment so impactful? One of the most important things to humans is to feel valued and respected by others, and like we belong, says Vanessa Bohns, a social psychologist and professor of organizational behavior at Cornell University, who has. “We’re always attuned to any scraps of information we get about how we’re viewed by other people,” she says, but rarely do we receive any.
In situations that call for a compliment, don’t second-guess yourself. Dole them out generously. People sometimes worry that they’re going overboard with compliments and will start to sound insincere. That concern is unfounded, Bohns says. “Our threshold for how many compliments we think we should be giving is lower than what people find acceptable,” she points out. “You don’t need to go crazy, but you could probably be giving compliments more frequently than you think.
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