Have you ever come away from a conversation feeling misunderstood and upset? Here are some suggestions to help prevent that from happening in the future.
It might strike you that this breakdown is obvious and hardly worth taking time to consider, but you’d be surprised how often our perception of our delivery is different from the perception of those receiving it. That’s not to say that we’re always wrong and the other person is always right. However, it’s in this discrepancy where trouble can start, particularly if the person you’re speaking with is someone with whom you’re close or have regular interactions.
The language: Do you use"you" a lot instead of"I," as in"you do this…" as opposed to"In this situation, I feel…"? Do you tend to generalize and globalize, as in"You always...
Finally, there’s timing—two types: One is about being sure that you and your partner are not already reactive with emotions escalated when you start the conversation. In other words, if that issue that you want to talk about has just happened, don’t"strike while the iron’s hot." Instead, give yourselves time to calm down.