Is it a 'rough patch' or has the relationship turned toxic? Four warning signs to watch for, according to a psychologist:
When you’re in a bumpy relationship, at a certain point you become so used to the bumps that it can be hard to spot signs that the relationship has become unhealthy, or even toxic. Part of what makes it difficult to recognize that a relationship has declined into being unacceptable is that all relationships go through difficult times – times when not-so-good days are just part of life.
So how do you know when your relationship has crossed the line from “going through a rough patch” to being unhealthy? To help you decide, consider these 4 criteria:There are characteristics about yourself that you value – perhaps it’s your generosity, your optimistic nature, or your cooking abilities. When your partner devalues these traits and leaves you feeling disrespected, you will feel worse about yourself for being in the relationship.
Relationships descend from being unhealthy into being toxic when at least one partner works against the other one in an overpowering way. It could be that a highly dependent partner clings so much that their behavior becomes controlling and may even include stalking. Or, a partner might so value independence that they are not there at all emotionally for their partner, and may even be highly critical or condescending toward their partner.
You are facing an even more difficult problem if your partner says they want to commit, but does nothing about it. Maybe they are struggling with fears of commitment that you can support them in working through. Or, maybe they are trying to keep a good thing going without concern for your feelings. If you think it’s the latter situation, then pay attention to this. The relationship will likely just continue until it is so unhealthy that you will have caused great harm to yourself by staying.
While there are no perfect relationships, it is important to distinguish between needing to smooth out some problems and being in an essentially unhealthy situation. By assessing your situation, you put yourself in the position of being able to fix or change an unhealthy one, whether directly with your partner or through couples therapy. Or, you may decide that you need to end it. The choice is up to you.
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