Do you tend to replay events in your mind, getting more and more worked up? Understanding your triggers can help you avoid ruminating. Here's where to start, by DrAliceBoyes
The lesson here is to not mislabel temporary stressors as a change in your skills or personality. Always ask yourself which of your coping mechanisms and supports are disrupted, or what change you're experiencing, to see if that's the real cause.When someone ignores you, it often has more to do with them than you. For example, some people will avoid anything that makes them feel overloaded or unsure, even when it was a reasonable request.
The lesson here is to consider multiple possibilities for why you might not have heard from someone, not jump to the conclusion you upset them or were inappropriate.In general, people tend to assume other people think the same way they do. For example, if you overthink, then you might assume other people do. If a conversation was a big deal to you, you might think the other person saw it the same way, but they don't remember the conversation or forgot some parts of it.
If you tend to ruminate, you may have already mentally replayed an interaction many times, meaning you remember it well . The other party may have forgotten about it entirely. Or, you each may have processed the events in such a way that your sense of how the interaction concluded is wildly different.If the conversation was very important to you, that offhand comment could be a source of rumination for days, weeks, months, or even years.
The lesson here is to take other people's perspectives. People differ a lot in what they prioritize, what's upsetting orto them, what they consider annoying, etc. Often there isn't a right and wrong, just individual differences and preferences. Try to not overestimate the importance of sharing priorities and perspectives. It's not essential. You can value someone and they value you, without experiencing events in the same way.
By understanding some common triggers for rumination you can feel less drawn in by it, so rumination can lessen its grip on you.
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